I have recently been set free from my food addiction, all glory and honor goes to our Father in Heaven and through the blood of our lamb Jesus Christ, who boar all my transgressions and iniquities so that I may be healed... through the dunamis power of the Holy Spirit...
THERE IS HEALING! THERE IS DELIVERANCE!
It started back when I was a very small child. I always felt an isolation and depression and separation . My parents divorce had made me feel different than all the other kids and I had overwhelming feelings of loneliness and depression which led to me opening up the door for addiction.
I just said that.
I opened the door.
I know that's hard to believe as a child but its true. And the wound of divorce as a child stayed with me until I realized God could heal it. ( This is why we want to see families healed and together because God wants to do that too) I didn't realize that I was giving Satan access to my life through unforgiveness and bitterness and resentment. In fact, I needed to even repent of the thinking that God DIDN'T want to heal me. The idea that I was too far gone.
The reason I want to uncover that is because life's circumstances can lead to us accepting and allowing other demons to take over in the form of entitlement and pride and MANIPULATION.
I had a rough childhood, so I eat.
I have a hard marriage, so I shop a lot.
I have a sick child, so I sleep a lot.
I have a heavy, lazy wife, so I watch porn.
The list goes on and on and I encourage you to ask the Holy Spirit right now to reveal to you these points of entry.
The fact is, I used the pain of my childhood and the pain of my horrible marriage to turn into entitlement and bondage . I ate because my husband was an alcoholic. I battled other demons such as infirmity and depression and panic and fear and they all held me captive. So for many years I would try and deliver myself. I would try to diet and stick to plans and how many Mondays would come and go when I would proclaim THIS IS IT! THIS IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF MY LIFE. I am going to do this. But as I began to cry out to God for help he began to show me something that I will never forget . Our pastor in Texas was preaching a sermon on the fruit of the spirit years ago and I sat there addicted and tired and he said something I will never ever forget.
You cant pursue the fruit.
I never understood that until the past 3 weeks when God showed me how I can't pursue self control. I cant will it on myself. And if I allowed that Antichrist spirit to take root in me which would allow me to achieve weight loss in my own will power, then I would lose the weight and then BE BACK IN BONDAGE SKINNY TRYING TO KEEP IT!
Do you ever notice how women who do diet plans seem to always be focused on it and they are always talking about it and counting things and keeping track of things on apps etc... ITS A FORM OF BONDAGE!!!
I needed to get to the root of my problem because no matter what I would do, I would not lose a pound. I would stick to a plan and exercise and I would GAIN WEIGHT. I actually remember a period in my life when I would go on the elliptical for an hour a day burning 900 calories, eat about 1500 and gain weight. I was on medication for depression and anxiety and so I blamed THAT. I was also having emotional affairs.
The Lord says that rebellion to his authority is a form of divination. So if that is true, then blaming my parents divorce or my husbands sin on my behavior caused me to feel entitled to eat and sin. Rebellion is unforgiveness and using emotions to manipulate situations and any other thing you do that comes out of line with the word of God. So now what? Well I thought for sure I heard the Lord say, declare a holy fast. But then I prayed and watched along with Katie Souza and quickly I began to see how I was again trying to get something from God under my own power and good works. Surely he would deliver me if I gave up food for 3 days. I will show him how much self control I really have!!!
I am not saying that fasting is not a good idea, it is is something that God commands us to do but if you are doing it for the wrong reason, Katie says, " the oil isn't on it. "
So I watched her videos and began asking the Lord where I needed to be healed. Because the spirit of bondage comes in when we have a wound in our soul. Our inner man. Our soul, man. And then it rears its ugly self when we bow down to that addiction with entitlement and manipulation. When we name our disease and we start to agree with the symptoms and try to fight our way out on our own, we lose.
You cant not do this by will power. There is no such thing and if you have done it, its not from God and it is bondage that will keep you in chains forever. Now you will move onto something else. True self control is a fruit of the Holy Spirit that draws from the power that rose Jesus Christ from the grave and THAT is where freedom is.
You need to go back to the source of your pain and get your wounds healed. You need to forgive those who have hurt you and take responsibility for the right now. You absolutely have to come to a place where you surrender completely to God and open up every single part of you that is hurting and let him heal you.
I wrote on instagram the other day about how I have never experienced hunger or fullness. I have literally been living in a state of consumption for decades. Eating when not hungry, eating when happy, eating when sad, eating when bored etc.. And it is so bad that the demon that was oppressing me would wake me in the middle of the night and I would eat for hours. And if there was a time when I know I shouldn't eat something like Halloween, I would sneak away and eat an entire bag of candy and then feel sick and ashamed. But I could never break free because I would not confront the issue that I had unforgiveness and bitterness and resentment and entitlement.
I want you to know friends, that the Lord is close to the broken hearted. He binds up their wounds.
Psalm 147: 3