Wednesday, September 3, 2014

9 years

To my husband on our 9th wedding anniversary,
I don't know those people up there. I don't think they knew what in the world marriage was...but God had a plan.
 And I am not going to spend the next few moments telling you things you already know. I'm not going to be mushy and full of pride and tell the world what a great man you are, truth is, we aren't very good people.
Truth is, we have been horrible to each other. And truth is, I thank God that you stay. I thank God that when I wake up every morning, your still here. After all that you have stood by me with and forgiven me for, I don't know if anything I say matters.
Truth is, I am still here. And sometimes, being married, is the hardest part of my life. Its the hardest part of my day. Its the ugliest part of me. The constant self denial and selfless love and forgiveness is hard for me. Its hard for me to love when I am hurt. And I have been hurt. We still do it.
There were those years that you and I wanted to leave. We actually tried but we didn't have the means. Its funny how God works sometimes. He will not give you a way out if he intends for you to stay and he gives the grace to endure whatever we need to, to get to the destination. And for me? The destination has always been for me to look more like Jesus and less like Melissa. And that is what this marriage has done. Its has taught me what true grace and mercy and forgiveness and love is. Its all those pinterest quotes. It really is the gospel. It really is sloooow to anger and quick to forgive. It really is not self seeking. And I feel like we are part of the club. The club of people who have suffered at each others expense and have left the battles wounded and scarred, but full of joy and hope as well. Joy in the fact that you and I Scott, we have been obedient. We have listened and put into practice the words and teachings of Jesus. And it has worked. Sometimes without even knowing it. Sometimes we just felt a compelling "stay" "stick it out"
Sometimes God would say to me...just hang on. Its all going to be okay, hang on...
9 years ago tonight, I was laying in a hotel bed, watching my sister finish the wedding favors. I had no idea what God had in store for us. And to be honest, if I would have known all the things that you and I would walk through, I wouldn't have gotten married...
I was talking to a friend a few months ago and we were talking about us and I was telling her that there really is no reason for you to even still love me. After all I have done, after it still say yes. And she said " I don't know anyone in the world like your husband, and it sounds like he is a lot LIKE Jesus in the sense that Jesus has forgiven you, and never leaves you..."
You really have been the hands and feet of Jesus to me. You really have filled me up with the kind of love that was missing for so long...a God kinda love. An endless love... a love that doesn't keep track, a love that doesn't keep score.
So I want to say tonight that we still haven't made it yet. There are always roads that lead to growth. And I will always choose THAT road. The hard one. The narrow one. And I hope that you are always on that road with me.
Thank you for making me laugh like no one can. It really is the reason I love you so. Its because your silly and sometimes really stupid and that makes me happy.  And your cute.
Love you scuba...
An almost United States Navy Chief wife,

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1 comment:

  1. I feel every word of this. Beautiful. Thankful right along with you for husbands who love like Jesus.