Monday, February 17, 2014
where your called
A few months ago I was carrying laundry upstairs and God stopped me. I stood there with basket in hand, placed it down, to listen. He said, I'm about to do something really big for you, but I want to make sure you know right now that its not about you. It has nothing to do with how well you paint or what you paint, its all about me...
And thank God for that. I accepted that and was overjoyed that he loved me so much to fill certain desires of my heart all the while point me to where he had use for me. This would all probably lead me to where I am right now, sending off paintings to my now publisher who thinks he can place much of my art in stores and homes across America. But my greatest joy thus far in the past few weeks in really internalizing and preparing my heart for a greater influence.
I am not a front of the stage gal. Well, inside I am but I have fear and pride and faith in myself is small and frankly quite a kick in the pants to God who says, in me, you are everything, separate from me you are nothing. I have a fear of not knowing enough of the gospel to sound religiously smart. I have a fear that you would be bored by me. I have a fear you might think I'm crazy because I am a very active speaker...I use body language and I am passionate. I cry when I speak if the moment permits and if the spirit moves I will talk for hours, I have no concern for time. I have real fears that are so stupid in the big scheme of things. In the kingdom way of things. The facts here are, I have been through healings, financial drought, physical illness, mental illness and addiction. I have lived a broken marriage, a broken family, abortion, and drug and alcohol tendencies. And God has come in, changed me, and healed me.
And that's enough.
So I had a divine appointment with a beautiful friend of mine in the middle of target the other day along side another friend of hers who God called to the same target at the same time. Gosh he loves us. We found her on a day where Satan was speaking into her heart that she had no talents. that she had no purpose. She cried and was feeling very discouraged about her solitary confinement physical and spiritual, and God just spoke.
She has not been going to church for a while and not engaging in a support community which God blesses us with for this reason...she has been lost. But God reminded her of her love for children and her desire to speak life into them and love on them and bless them...she had thoughts of going back to school and becoming a teacher. And he even went as far as to remind her, "how many children have you hugged this year, besides your own?"
But the lie in her heart that she was believing was that she had no talent because it didn't look like mine or yours. And I just said can I take a minute and set you free? God wants to set you free from this right now, right here in target.
Sister, bless you. I don't even enjoy children like you do. I mean, I love my kids so much its hurts, but I don't like being around a bunch of kids in general. I don't like to teach them things like math or reading, I find it very difficult. I don't like to sit on the floor and play. I just don't. And can I tell you that every time I pick up Grace from kindergarten I feel as thought I need to write a check for a million dollars to her teacher and it wouldn't be enough. I cry, I thank God for her. I cant do it. I just cant do it. Do you know that I would not be able to paint, and read and write and run my business if it weren't for people like you? So it may look really cute and pretty what I do. The art, the instagram photos, all of it. But its nothing without YOU.
I want to speak to those who are called to the back corners for a moment. Maybe the night shift nurse or the grocery store stock person. Or maybe the janitor at Harvard...
SOME PEOPLE COULD NOT FUNCTION IF IT WEREN'T FOR YOU.
And just because you aren't out in the front doesn't mean you are worth any less. At the end of the day, we will all be judged by what we were given and what we did with our influence. Some people have larger than others. But its all equally important to our creator, who gives the influence. I just feel as if there are a whole bunch of people, like myself, with special talents or abilities and they will never see the plan God had for them come to pass, because of their own fears. And that to me saddens my soul to the core. For me, it was just painting for the first time. I just needed to step out and be obedient once, for God to show me that I loved it and he would use it and I would be okay if I did it.
I pray that if you are good with kids, you run in that direction. If you have a talent in art, you would just make your art and be you and let God take control of what happens after you make it. I pray that if you are good with computers that you would pursue every opportunity to shine in that area because this is a whole new world and God needs us to be who he created us to be. He needs the gospel to reach the far corners of the earth and the deep corners of our neighbors hearts.
He created you with purpose, live it.