Friday, November 29, 2013

Thursday, November 28, 2013

thanksgiving



It was a quiet day today, just the four of us. I typically get a little emotional around holidays because when I was a little girl I remember everything being so big. We always were around lots of family and the food and the dresses and everything was just big. But since we are military sometimes I find myself alone with a husband at bootcamp or just the girls and I while he is deployed...or sometimes we are still all together but missing so many family gatherings...I really need to learn to grab ahold of the life God has blessed me with and let go of what I think it should look like. I am just very sensitive and nostalgic.
 
Also, something else happened today. I was again worrying about money. This is nothing new. I desperately have been asking God for years to help me in this area. And he has. And I can always tell I am close to a breakthrough in my life when things get hard and tense. I was adding things up and tallying and doing that thing I do in my head when I try to figure out money and God just stopped me in my tracks and I just listened to him talk...
 
"if the way you have been living, worrying, for so many years, if that has NOT been working for you kiddo, why don't you try the opposite. Why don't you try thanking me for what you have when you are worried and say to yourself, my God will provide."
 
okay.
 
So also, I have sometimes believed the lie that if I am not in abundance, then I am doing something wrong. And God just reminded me today of how I am still here. Still. How he provided when most of our money went to booze and cigarettes and bars and ice cream. Goodness. He is so patient. So if he loved me when I wasn't following him, how much more would a parent want to provide for their child if they were seeking the truth. It they were truly thankful for everything they had.
 
So I'm going to try something new now and ask God to take away the lies from my heart. Let me see the real truth. That there is nothing that I can do or say to earn his love. I just cant. And that's a lot to be thankful for. Truly that is everything isn't it? Being loved no matter what?
 
Through the abundance, through the tough times...I am still loved by him.











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Monday, November 25, 2013

the world is full of second, first chances.

I am just obsessed with second chances. I am just a person who loves when the plot changes in the story. When people meet up with circumstances, people and things that change their lives forever. I obviously know that all of this is God because I was someone who was given a second chance. And a third chance....and a forth. But the second chance is the craziest. When people decide that they are so overwhelmed with gratitude for their own life that they simply can not sit back and waste another moment watching other people stay the same, I love that.

I love to watch CBS Sunday morning, it used to be a thing I did back when my husband wasn't going to church. Instead of going to church alone sometimes I would catch a sermon and then when he woke up I would watch CBS Sunday morning....I would cry every single time because this long time running Sunday morning show is always full of heart warming stories. This Sunday I just quickly decided to change the channel over to it before I got ready for church and this is the story I saw. The homeboy bakery. Of course I cry over pretty much everything but I am just in awe of people who just do things. They just decide to make a difference and invest into people and be the hands and feet for Jesus.

This is exactly why my heart is for people who are very broken. Drugs, alcohol, addictions, crimes, sexual craziness...all of it. Because I was that person. I have spent a night in jail. I have had an abortion. I have been promiscuous. I have been a drunk. I have been on drugs.

But then I met Jesus again.

And my life changed.

And years later I bought some canvas.

And now I paint and sell art.

Who the heck would have ever known?

Last night I watched a sermon by the amazing TD Jakes about being FORMED FILLED and FUNCTION. And it hit a spot in me that just tears me apart. About how God made our body, the container with his hands...then he breathed life into us, filled us...and then we function. And I believe 100% that people are made on purpose. God says so. I never believed that until I figured out for my own self what God was thinking when he made me. All the rough spots, all the pulling and molding and all the pains were simply the molding process which then leads to the functioning.

Nothing stops us from what God intended. And I just want to be a part of that.

If I never bought canvas that day, if I never picked up a paintbrush...

I'm just so thankful that God gave me a second chance. That he made me on purpose. For his purpose. I'm so thankful that I can help add to our family income. I'm so thankful that I can inspire those onto their full potential. I'm so grateful I can help people get over their initial fear of the unknown.

I'm so grateful for my second chance.




Twenty-five years ago Father Greg Boyle started working with gang members in the poorest parish of Los Angeles. Today, his program, Homeboy Industries - a bakery and cafe employing former gang members - has grown to become one of the largest and most successful gang intervention efforts in the nation. Carter Evans reports.

 
 
A good Samaritan taught a 37-year-old man living on the streets how to write computer code, changing his life completely. Now Leo Grand is looking for a home, a job, and a place to present his custom-made carpooling app. NBC’s Craig Melvin reports and Grand and his benefactor, Patrick McConlogue, visit TODAY.

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Sunday, November 24, 2013

everyone is welcome.




I had a dream, well it was more of like a God "vision" day dream sort of thing...I have had it in my heart for a while but this morning it was vivid. very clear.

God has been stirring me up the past few days about where and how I spend my time, what I do in my everyday. I felt so comforted knowing that He cared to have that conversation with me. I felt like it was sort of a last minute discipline...a pep talk. Sort of...hey I have all my resources available to you my dear, how will you use them?

So last week, I had a moment where my breath was almost gone. I could not shake an immeasurable amount of gratitude. It was so overwhelming I had to stop and tell my husband in the midst of a routine rock and roll dance party...I sort of looked at him and he looked back and I yelled over the loud Guns and Roses...

I'm happy?

Im happy!


Then I went to the grocery store.

I guess I have come to the place where I'm sitting back in the comfy chair with a bowl of popcorn...watching the playback. I'm watching my ENTIRE LIFE from the beginning and I am seeing how every single thing was in Gods hand. I can see. I can finally see. All the things...the abandonment the pain the suffering...the illness, the addictions...the broken marriage, the abortion...the depression, the anger, the guilt, the sin...

I can see it all as a divine set up for me. I can see now why God has given me the softest most open heart I have ever seen. It breaks easy. And that's a good thing. Because not only does it break for me, it breaks for you.

I laughed with my grandma on the phone last night talking about how we filled our thanksgiving basket for our church with food on our credit card...I laugh at how my heart doesn't care if we have money for anything anymore...if there is an opportunity to serve or provide, I don't care what the world says, I do it. She cried and got sad that she cant help us more and I said oh goodness who cares...I know we will have what we need. We are always okay. I assured her that we have plenty of paintings to sell, plenty of opportunities...

And she said, "I know you will be famous one day"...I giggle. thanks grandma ;)

And it just all hit me. The stirring of my heart lately, the questions from God...the message at church this morning...all the things the holy spirit spoke into my spirit this morning...

I don't want to be famous.

I never have. In fact I want to run so far from that. I cant even stand the thought of it.

I want Jesus to be.

I want every single person in this world to have a love encounter with him. I want everyone to know who he really is. Hes not a political party or a charity. Hes not an organization. Hes not a rule book.

He truly is a savior.

He is everything we have ever needed. He is a second chance. He is life. He is our promise. He is our everything.

He is what took me from drunk and wanting to kill myself...to a life. A life full of every thing I don't deserve. He really truly made me beauty from ashes.

So I had a vision this morning it was so vivid. I could see the walls and the concrete floor. There was lights stringing from the beams...and there was a Christmas tree. It was a place where there were chairs and couches and rugs and lamps. There was a hot chocolate machine. There was always fresh brewed coffee... There was music constantly playing. There were guitars laying around and easels set up with paint everywhere. There were places to build things and there was a refrigerator full of water and juice and a place for prayer. There was a grill outside with a fire pit and there were people playing music and people being prayed for. There were souls in a building being loved. There were people who have never been given a shot or people who have talents who never had the tools...my friends sold their goods and we made goods and we sold them. We had food always and love always.

And I sold my art there. And the money I made from the art kept the place alive.

And I have no idea how to make this happen.

But God does.

Would you pray with me over everything in my heart right now? Would you pray that God opens the heavens over us and we see his glory? Would you pray that my heart can finally find its place.

Would you pray that even if this doesn't happen for 10 years...that the fire in my heart that I have had since I was 15 would just grow bigger and that God would put the right people in my life at the right time?

I want people who love music, love art or just love a meal and a cup of coffee to be able to come in and stay a while.

If you need a friend, we are here. If you need someone to talk to, we are here...

If you want to paint, grab an easel. Do you need some cash? sell your painting.

Do you want to worship? Go outside by the fire, I think there are some people singing out there.

Do you want to learn how to make wood signs to sell ? Ill teach you.

Do you need a bible? Heres one...

Come and meet the real Jesus.

He is love.

I don't care what the heck you did or who you are or who you used to be or what your doing now...

Everyone is welcome.



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