I am not a writer, bear with me.
I am not even an artist. I just like to make stuff.
I don't even know what to call myself other than redeemed.
And because I'm not a writer or an artist per say, I don't have any formal training. I don't write to be published and I don't paint to be famous. I just love to pour out hope and love so this is the only way I know how.
So here's whats going on, I have a lot on my heart and I'm just going to go with that, k?
I posted today about my current life. How I wake up and drink coffee...listen to some worship, maybe read a few chapters, sit in his presence... I get my oldest ready for school and get everyone ready and off for the day. I answer emails, I paint paintings...
I round everyone back up, we go swimming. Or we just play outside. I answer some more emails and send off more packages. I work at home, on my own time. I make dinner and I chat with my husband and we put babies to bed and we do it again the next day....
Its a far cry from the depression I was in what has seemed like forever, but mainly for the greater part of the last 15 years. I have never felt like I fit in. Like I wasn't doing anything. I never had a dream or a passion or a goal or any clue for that matter. I just knew what I was doing didn't feel good. It never felt right.
If I am being honest here I will say that I didn't even enjoy being a mom for the first few years with Grace. Not because of her but because I felt so much pressure. I am not ashamed to say that there were many days I didn't get out of bed until 10 am or later and there was always a tv on or something going on distracting me from my life. I gained 50 pounds and I was miserable.
I felt like I was in prison.
this is it? I constantly asked myself that. I cried myself to sleep many nights thinking about how everyone else around me seemed happy and fulfilled and they loved their job, they loved their life.
So we moved to Texas and God said its time. Its time to reveal what I made you for. Its time to be the breath of life you have needed for so long...its time.
So I started painting and really never even caught my own breath. People started buying it and being blessed by it and I just thought wow. I cant even imagine my life the way it used to be.
And then something else happened. I started to become a better mother. A better wife. A better everything. My soul became alive and I felt passion again. Everything that was laying dormant and begging to come out...I became alive.
And that's why I am sitting here dripping wet hair out of the shower just typing away at 9 pm because I have so much hope. Am I talking to you yet?
Do you hate your job? Do you feel like you don't belong here? Do you feel like you have been through too much in your life to let it go to waste?
God says, I know the plans my child...I know the plans I have for you, and they aren't to harm you. They are to prosper you, to give you a hope and future.
I really want you to know that whatever your going through right now, whatever situation you are in, its only temporary and its only for you good. God will use every single tear, every single heartache, every single blow against you to create in you the person He wants you to be. And the person he created you to be is so much better than anything you could ever create in your own strength or your own imagination.
Listen to his voice...
I feel so blessed, some days I cant even breathe. I am so grateful that I get to stay home with my kids. Its something that I always wanted. I have always wanted to be the one to wake them up in the morning, pick them up from school and put them to bed. that's it. So its more than overflowing for me. this life. I get to do everything.
But most importantly I get to be who he created me to be.
Wait. Just wait on God.
And just always remember that HE created you . He created that passion in your soul. He created your spirit. He knows where you are and he knows how to get you to where you need to be...
He wants to fill all the voids. He wants to fill all the cracks.
Very recently God revealed something to me about life that I just cant get out of my spirit. He was dealing with me about some things that are going on in my life right now, some areas of discontent. And He just began to share with me how he knows. He knows. Its just that simple. There is no area of my life or your life that is hidden from him. He knows, and hes got all the answers.
We serve a mighty God.
He has not forgotten me, he has not forgotten you. He doesn't work on some people and bless them and turn his back on you. He has a plan.
And it just became enough for me to begin to trust him in areas that I felt weren't right or good. It could be a job or a relationship or any place that your in that you don't feel "this is where I am supposed to be"
I can tell you right now, I would not be where I am today if I didn't go through the things I did yesterday. Or last month, or last year.
I don't know how to say any of this to make it not sound cliché, its really my life. I really have been the most broken a person can be and then made new.
"There is no life too broken to be saved, too lost to be found or too small to be used. " - me