Wednesday, August 28, 2013

salt and light

“You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.
“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.  Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven."
Matthew 5
Dear Grace,
I took you to your first day of school the other day. Of course I made sure to capture the precious moments of watching you navigate your new life... I have spent the past few years fighting this moment. I have felt guilt over not homeschooling you and felt a lot of pressure. I also didn't want to let you go. I just don't want to let you go. I want to keep you here forever.  But God released me from all of that and now I feel at peace.
 I want nothing to hurt you, I want no one to say mean things to you. I want nothing bad to ever happen to you but I realize I cant make that happen. Its going to happen. Your going to face that stuff your whole life and I pray that each and every time it does it points you to Jesus. That you learn to love and forgive.
Your daddy and I had to make a choice about where you would go for school this year and I wanted to make sure you knew that God told me he was with you. I was in the parking lot of one school and he told me that wherever we chose to send you, he was there and he would protect you.
God also told mommy that you were going to be the salt and light.
I have been stuck in the book of Matthew this year kiddo and I really believe that you have a big calling in this world. The reason I know this is because I see your light shining everywhere I go and you leave it behind for people who need it. I want you to know that the most important thing you can ever do in this world is to let your light shine bright for Jesus. Its not about your grades or the clothes you wear, its about how you love people.
I am praying hard for a good year for you kiddo. Although I feel so empty here without you these days I am so excited to see you grow up.
I miss you more than words can tell.
Be the salt. Be the light.

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Tuesday, August 27, 2013

We serve a mighty God.

I am not a writer, bear with me. 
I am not even an artist. I just like to make stuff.
I don't even know what to call myself other than redeemed.
And because I'm not a writer or an artist per say, I don't have any formal training. I don't write to be published and I don't paint to be famous. I just love to pour out hope and love so this is the only way I know how.
So here's whats going on, I have a lot on my heart and I'm just going to go with that, k?
I posted today about my current life. How I wake up and drink coffee...listen to some worship, maybe read a few chapters, sit in his presence... I get my oldest ready for school and get everyone ready and off for the day. I answer emails, I paint paintings...
I round everyone back up, we go swimming. Or we just play outside. I answer some more emails and send off more packages. I work at home, on my own time. I make dinner and I chat with my husband and we put babies to bed and we do it again the next day....
Its a far cry from the depression I was in what has seemed like forever, but mainly for the greater part of the last 15 years. I have never felt like I fit in. Like I wasn't doing anything. I never had a dream or a passion or a goal or any clue for that matter. I just knew what I was doing didn't feel good. It never felt right.
If I am being honest here I will say that I didn't even enjoy being a mom for the first few years with Grace. Not because of her but because I felt so much pressure. I am not ashamed to say that there were many days I didn't get out of bed until 10 am or later and there was always a tv on or something going on distracting me from my life. I gained 50 pounds and I was miserable.
I felt like I was in prison.
this is it? I constantly asked myself that. I cried myself to sleep many nights thinking about how everyone else around me seemed happy and fulfilled and they loved their job, they loved their life.

So we moved to Texas  and God said its time. Its time to reveal what I made you for. Its time to be the breath of life you have needed for so long...its time.

So I started painting and really never even caught my own breath. People started buying it and being blessed by it and I just thought wow. I cant even imagine my life the way it used to be.

And then something else happened. I started to become a better mother. A better wife. A better everything. My soul became alive and I felt passion again. Everything that was laying dormant and begging to come out...I became alive.

And that's why I am sitting here dripping wet hair out of the shower just typing away at 9 pm because I have so much hope. Am I talking to you yet?

Do you hate your job? Do you feel like you don't belong here? Do you feel like you have been through too much in your life to let it go to waste?

God says, I know the plans my child...I know the plans I have for you, and they aren't to harm you. They are to prosper you, to give you a hope and future.

I really want you to know that whatever your going through right now, whatever situation you are in, its only temporary and its only for you good. God will use every single tear, every single heartache, every single blow against you to create in you the person He wants you to be. And the person he created you to be is so much better than anything you could ever create in your own strength or your own imagination.

Lean in.

Press in.

Listen to his voice...

I feel so blessed, some days I cant even breathe. I am so grateful  that I get to stay home with my kids. Its something that I always wanted. I have always wanted to be the one to wake them up in the morning, pick them up from school and put them to bed. that's it. So its more than overflowing for me. this life. I get to do everything.

But most importantly I get to be who he created me to be.

Wait. Just wait on God.

And just always remember that HE created you . He created that passion in your soul. He created your spirit. He knows where you are and he knows how to get you to where you need to be...

He wants to fill all the voids. He wants to fill all the cracks.

Very recently God revealed something to me about life that I just cant get out of my spirit. He was dealing with me about some things that are going on in my life right now, some areas of discontent. And He just began to share with me how he knows. He knows. Its just that simple. There is no area of my life or your life that is hidden from him. He knows, and hes got all the answers.

We serve a mighty God.
He has not forgotten me, he has not forgotten you. He doesn't work on some people and bless them and turn his back on you. He has a plan.

And it just became enough for me to begin to trust him in areas that I felt weren't right or good. It could be a job or a relationship or any place that your in that you don't feel "this is where I am supposed to be"

I can tell you right now, I would not be where I am today if I didn't go through the things I did yesterday. Or last month, or last year.

I don't know how to say any of this to make it not sound cliché, its really my life. I really have been the most broken a person can be and then made new.

"There is no life too broken to be saved, too lost to be found or too small to be used. " - me
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Thursday, August 15, 2013

some new art

There are some new pieces in the boutique!!
And some of my favorites have sold this week...
Its the end of summer and I am on a roll with painting these days simply because of the weather and how fast it allows the paint and all my mediums to dry.
Plus, I went to the coast with my people last weekend and I just got inspired.

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