today is my birthday. In many more ways than one.
I have never grown up with a dream, never wanted to be anything...except I always had this feeling that something was inside of me that was needing to be drawn out. God starting speaking to me last year when he told me to just start painting. I thought, hmmmm that's a little crazy but Ill do it anyways.
People started loving what I was doing, but I felt very very unsettled. I didn't like anything I was painting. But God kept pushing me and gave me permission to explore.
Then he told me to open this new shop. I felt all kinds of things, anxious being one of them. Who am I? How the heck?
I am not even an artist.
But He is. God is. And that's all I needed.
Basically he told me to paint "pretty things" which freed me from a lot of creative blocking I was feeling. I wasn't even drawn to color. But then I started looking around my house and what I love. Wood, the ocean, the water and black and white furniture. And I started to think about where I was in my life. My husband had just picked up a bible for the first time and was stuck right smack dab in the book of Matthew. The bible series on the History channel had just come out and I was captivated by Jesus. I felt at home. I felt like I belonged right there on the edge of that water, Jesus reaching out his hand...asking for followers.
I will follow you Jesus...
And for a long time I had been experimenting with the colors of the ocean and it just felt good. You see,I also met Jesus on the water...its home to me.
So then God told me to open a separate shop and I didn't like that idea and nobody else did really. I just didn't make sense in the business world. But then God started speaking to my heart.
"your not painting for them right now, your painting for me. I want you to push yourself higher than ever before, think of yourself as worthy of my goodness...and have fun. I want you to push."
So I did. I had a really good month last month in sales and God arranged it for me so that I could have the whole entire month with no custom orders. None. That's another way I knew it was from him. He funded this with me going into no debt, and he cleared a path for me to just create. It was beautiful, the best month of my life.
So here I am, new shop and all. Here I am open and vulnerable and scared and I feel naked. I feel like like people wont ever understand the heart that poured out into this art, what it represents. It represents my close relationship with our father. It represents redemption. It represents that God has a plan for even the messiest lives...It represents his endless love.
This shop is not for me. Its for Him. I have prayed over it, I have asked God to bless it and open doors that I can not. I have asked Him to make the impossible, possible.
And Jesus said, Come...follow me, and I will make you fishers of men..."
matthew four nineteen