Wednesday, May 22, 2013

conversation with my husband...

 some things you just never want to forget, so you write them down.

M. I'm scared. Not in the way you think...sort of like in the deepest part of my soul, I know there is a God, I know him well...I know there is Heaven and a place where we go to spend eternity...but I am scared to die. Not the physical part of it..just the letting go of this world and my people.I don't want to leave. Because I don't want to leave you and our girls. And now these tornado's...and the kids. How do you explain this? How do you explain our God to people who dont know him? Why would God allow all those kids to die?

S. Well, its sort of like hes taking us home. Like this isn't our home...and all those kids are with Jesus now and everything is ok.

M. So you don't worry? You don't have any fear of anything?

S. Not really. Because I know that when its my time, its my time. I used to pray in Afghanistan that Jesus would lead my steps and if it was my time to make it quick. And then I came close to stepping on something big and I laughed at God because that would have been real quick.

M. So how would you feel if it were our Grace?

S. very sad of know that. But she would have fulfilled her purpose. And I am comforted by that. All those kids in Sandy Hook, they fulfilled their purpose and God took them home. What do we notice when tragedy happens? Usually it brings us all together and makes us stronger...that's a purpose fulfilled.  

M. wait, your right. Because she talks about loving Jesus so much she would probably be having a blast. I can just see her jumping around with Jesus. That would comfort me. And thats beautiful, they fulfilled their purpose.

M. But how do you explain our God to people? Like the ones who know He exists but they don't know him personally yet...

S. Well, its sort of like this isn't our home. And Jesus came to show us the way to get to our real home...Heaven. If this life was about THIS world, Jesus would have come to show us how to stay here. We should be focusing on that when we die, he takes us home. But in the meantime, if we are still here, we live for him.

M. Scott, I think you just explained the meaning of life to me. I don't think anyone has been able to comfort me in a way like that before. I feel strangely comforted and like I want to rejoice over death...that we get to go home. I feel like I need to just repent so hard for being so attached to this world. So attached to people and places...but its hard because God gave me this measure of compassion for hurting people that is so great I cant quite understand Heaven yet...a place with no pain. Because that is most of what I have experienced in my life so far...its just...hard. I relate to it. When someone feels it, I feel it.

S. well, some people say, like being born.

M. So I tell people all day long about Jeremiah 29:11. And when stuff like shootings and tornados happen, I find myself even questioning how to even apply that scripture to my own self. If he knows the plans for us, not to hurt us...but only to prosper us and give us a future and a hope...but then we just die in a tornado?

M. Wait...God just spoke it to my heart. He said,

" that scripture is for all people who are LIVING NOW! Go, live your life! I have a plan for it! You will prosper! Your life will be full...until your done and thats not your choice, its mine. If your still here, Im not done with you. Its true that your life is written already, I have planned a beautiful transition into Heaven to meet me! But its not time yet! Get to living!"

M. Wait, so we just had this huge revelation here...this is big. I think this could set me free. Because now I know that this world, its for him. Its for God. Everything I do, its for him. Its not about how much money we make or the degrees we have or the houses we buy or the food we eat or where we live or anything. These kids, they arent ours, they are his. And they have a purpose that has nothing to do with me.God just trusts us with take care of them and help them to know him better. Its about living out our purpose. And along the way reaching out our arms and scooping up as many people we can and taking them to meet our father. Wait, so thats why he says not to worry about what we eat or what we drink or anything for that matter...because if we are living for him, he will always take care of us! Why would he not??? He would want us to be fed, and clothed and have our needs met! Geez. Its about telling as many people as we can how Jesus paid our way into Heaven, and loving them hard along the way...because thats what we need. In a world of tornados and shootings and cancer...we need more love. more hope. 

we need more people to realize that Heaven is our home. God is our home.

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