Friday, December 28, 2012
A few months ago I found myself up at the altar at church, laying down a heavy load that had been sitting on my heart for a while. Weighing down my shoulders, making it hard to walk with him. I found myself crying out literally, on the floor, hands cupped over my face...tears pouring down my face. A few people came up to me after, people I didn't know, and said that the Lord was speaking to them about me. They were praying for me while I was up there. But one guy in particular, handed me a piece of crumpled up paper and told me that God had a message for me...
Psalm 56:8 God saves all of our tears in a jar...
Lam 2 :19 pour out your heart like water before the face of the Lord...
I haven't been the same since.
Last night I read a post by casey, and her word. She chooses a word every year. And the past few days God has been speaking a word to me but I caught myself questioning if it was from him. But after reading her post I just know that he is giving me my word.
You see, just because I share alot of my life here, there are huge pieces left out. Huge pieces that only the Lord knows. And you wouldn't understand my word unless you knew...but to know that God has saved up all my tears in a bottle and is ready use them, is beyond anything my brain can handle. But my heart is screaming YES! I'm ready! Use it father, redemption.
2012 has been a year of a whole bunch of new starts. God has given me things I never knew were even possible, my art for one. Who knew that a girl like me, never went to college, never taken an art class (except in school) would be an artist? And who knew that my 4th grade art teacher who said I would be...who knew that her words would hold so much power to me today.
Its quite possible that God is using art to give me power. The power to love people and give people hope and encouragement. And its possible that He has given me a clear understanding of forgiveness, not just what the word means, but how to live it. When you are walking out of years of being cold and lonely and lost in the wilderness and you finally you see the light of a day and a warm blanket and you are greeted with hope,that's redemption.
the dictionary says the word means: deliverance, rescue
but to me, it means that he is using every single hurt, every single tear, every single moment of what shouldn't have happened and giving me beauty for those ashes. Every single addiction, every single moment of being so scared as a child, every moment. Its all for something. He wants to use it. Hes got a plan.
When your in the midst of hurt or depression or a tragedy it all seems to make no sense and you question God. How could a loving God allow so much pain and hurt. And I have been there. But when you step out of your own brain and you really feel Gods love, you start to understand. Its all a beautiful story, weaved together for his glory. Every single second of it, he wrote. Every single second of it, he was there.
And there will come a time, when your bottle is full, he will hand it to you and say, Im ready.
I am saved, I am rescued, I am redeemed.
Thank you Jesus.
He hath made every thing beautiful in his time.