Thursday, September 27, 2012

breaking out of the proverbial box

I suppose if you are of the creative type, you might have felt constrained by the box... you know the box. The one you are supposed to fit in. Your niche. You can spot a Van Gogh any day of the week by his brush strokes and his muted yet bold colors. You definitely know a Picasso by the strong lines and modern feel...but who am I?

Who are you?

I guess ever since I started painting in February, I have been waiting for my niche to present itself. I have been waiting to gain a certain type of audience...and dress my shop with a certain look. Well somewhere along the line I have found a freedom to be creative and break through that box. Some days I am full of energy and inspired by my beautiful, cheerful babes who inspire me to adorn canvas with childlike playful images, that remind me of them. And some days, my heart is so heavy for this country we live in that all I can do is paint flags, in honor of our founding fathers and our founding principals and values. And some days I miss Chicago so much that I cant stop painting Wrigley Field or things that remind me of home. And some days I cant stop thinking about sitting with my grandpa riffling through my baseball cards and I just want to create something to honor the way things were, by painting a vintage sports sign. The thrill of iced lemonade and hot dogs while learning to keep score at a Cubs game, makes me paint.

So there are many pieces of canvas that sit in my room, I stare at them. They all have a story, but most of them don't make it in. I don't know why...maybe its fear of rejection. Maybe its fear of them sitting in my shop for months with no hits. Or that feeling of having to renew an item time after time because it has expired.

But yesterday I created this one.


And you wouldn't understand what it fact I don't even really. But I am missing my grandma dearly and this was inspired by her condo in Chicago. All the time I spent there, following and in awe of my grandmas eclectic style. Monet and Ken Done all over the place, all over here. Her bold blue Scandinavian rings and pendants and all the prints...everything about this painting feels, smells, and breathes my grandma Mary Sordel. I miss her so much that all I can do to ease the pain is paint. Someday when she is not here anymore, I will always have the memory of her that I have created, and treasure.

The box that the world creates for us to fit in is not where we are meant to stay. And I have struggled with listening to the voice of God when he says, really...its ok. I delight in you and your creations! Go ahead ;) So while you may not understand who I am or what I do, he does...and now I do. I am most certainly just a girl with a passion to make something from nothing. I am not afraid of the blank stare of a new canvas...I am not afraid of the execution of an idea that I have never seen before. I am not afraid to break through the box and just be me.

So that one piece of art that sits in my shop for months, or stares back at me here at home, trying to speak fear and rejection to me...maybe its for you. Maybe you are the only other person in the world that sees its beauty or its meaning. Just maybe you might see it and say, that was made for me.

I guess my style from the beginning has always been distressed and vintage. I cant seem to be able to leave bold colors as they are, or strokes perfect and visible. I have a deep sense of creating  worn and weatherd, lived in pieces that look like they have survived the ages. Because thats me. I feel worn and torn and brand new...all in the same. All the scratches and rough spots symbolize, me.

I am enjoying my new freedom.

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