Because I know you all are on edge wondering how my apt was today... :)
This is my dental team on a mission trip. I talked to them today about my new burning desire to go on one...they affirmed my desire.
If two days ago was about failure....and yesterday was about faith, hope and love...today I just felt like I was the only one in Gods heart. I am just overwhelmed with what he has for me lately. And today was just another day where he wrapped his arms around me and said, listen...I love you, I don't want to hurt you. I don't want you to live like this, let me show you how to do it, my way...
So I don't remember her name but the dental hygienist and I had a little convo today and it went something like this: ( I will call her "DH")
DH: So we need to fill out this form again, since this is a new consultation...how have things been since we last saw you?
ME: Well, I have had pain in my gums and two teeth are very cold sensitive, I can barely eat anything cold anymore and there are a couple of areas that are sensitive to the touch, I think they are cavities.
DH: Well, I see those areas, we will have doc look at them but that's common for people who grind.
ME: But I mean, why do I keep getting all these problems? Root canals, gum tenderness, cavities...I do everything I am supposed to do! Why is this happening to me?
DH: Well its common to see gum tenderness and receding for people who grind and clench and your enamel is worn down almost completely so...
ME: So...??? But why???? But... but...why does this randomly just happen? What is the cause?
DH:Well again, its common for people who grind and clench to have exposed root and you have just worn down so much of the enamel, but since you have been wearing a night guard for a while now, hopefully we aren't doing anymore damage...
ME: So...it is my fault.
DH: Whats your favorite part about your smile?
ME: nothing, I hate it.
DH: what??? why?? you have a beautiful smile...
ME: well because it costs me thousands of dollars every year and its always in pain.
DH: what do you see for teeth in the long term...lets say 10 to 15 years?
ME:I just want all my teeth still in my mouth.
So, there it was. The answer. And I ate it with a side of Grace.
God spoke to me today about my health and how to let him help me find my way back to freedom. First, he opened my eyes to my sleep, and how its interrupted because all of my grinding and clenching happens at night while I am asleep. And how important it is to get rid of anything that will give satan a foothold in my life. I don't need another reason to not be healthy and relaxed.
He told me to fast.
So I will be fasting from dinner to breakfast. That's it. But every night. For me, I'm a late night snacker type and it really does not enable the body to relax and shut down. So I started tonight and already feel better.
Second, a while back I mad a choice to try and give up on my addiction to diet dr. pepper. It actually hasn't been that hard because I realized I am not addicted to diet soda, but I am addicted to carbonation! Praise the Lord! So I have been able to completely switch over to sparkling water and relieve my teeth from the contact of acids (which further strip enamel) and my body from artificial sweeteners. And also caffeine, because caffeine makes my TMJ worse. It dehydrates the muscles and makes my jaw muscles tense and all crappy feeling.
So we will see how the review of my xrays and all that goes, but as of today he found nothing major that needed real immediate attention. Which is good for me, and our finances. Just another day of crying out and answers to prayer. I now have a prescription fluoride treatment for everyday and a big dose of bible. A big dose of the word and alot of prayer and revelation about my worry and anxiety.
I just have this feeling that one day, when I am old and looking back on this blog post, I will be laughing at myself and mourning all the lost time I had worrying my life away. I just pray that someone, somewhere can get something from this.
There are consequences to our actions. If we don't take care of ourselves spiritually first, the body will also fail. You have no idea the kind of damage you could be doing to your own body if you harbor anger or guilt or shame...or worry.
I am off to sleep, thanking God for the amazing work he is doing in my heart right now. And thanking him for loving me through all of this, and not giving up on this girl.