Monday, July 16, 2012

Trading my worry for worship

Today was an interesting day, to say the least.

My husband has duty so he was up and out the door early. I woke up, got ready for church and got the girls ready. As we were all reconvening downstairs Lucy threw up and Grace was coughing up a lung.

My husband told me to just go on without him...

On a major side note, I am so grateful to have a husband who doesn't just "babysit" our kids but in my absence throws major dance parties and takes videos, cleans up, feeds them without being left a list or a meal plan and loves them like crazy. I am just so blessed and so are they. And no, it wasn't always like that but I watch him get more confident with them everyday and it makes my heart go crazy. And its not the fact that he has now started to clean up or do things without a list that is so amazing to me, its the fact that he says, go! i got this! I just think about how hard it must be for a man to be alone with 2 girls and not go crazy. There is no fishing or man talk...I know I cant go to work and do what he does. And I don't think I would even want to try. But if I come home to a huge mess, dishes still on the table, toys everywhere I have learned to love that to.
And sometimes I wish, I pray to be more like him.
More messes, more dishes left out, more toys everywhere...

I came home today with alot on my mind that just doesn't need to be there.

My unrealistic expectations of myself, my thoughts of how bills are going to get paid...
the next steps with sharing larger pieces of my story with the world...
how to navigate through working and being a mom and wife...and how to make that a beautiful experience, not a draining one.
Lots of thoughts.
Very draining, consuming thoughts.

Its funny because I can always tell when I have let my worry effect the mood of the day because my husband will always say something.
I will be sitting with him on the couch watching baseball very peacefully and all of a sudden I will get up and start picking up toys.
Then I will start doing dishes.
Then I will start panicking about all the laundry that needs to be done that is just waiting upstairs...
Then I will be consumed with thoughts of dinner...
And then he just comes out with a funny song.
Today it went, "today was going great and then it all went to crap"
I cant make it sound like he sings it on the Internet but just imagine Doug from King of Queens ;)

I needed some time to just be peaceful, so I sat outside.
But it was so gorgeous I grabbed Grace and we sat out together.
One second we were talking about ants and then next she was asking me about Heaven.I just love talking to her at this age. She is so bright and fresh and not consumed with anything yet in her little world. I wish I could just talk about ants and Heaven sometimes.

But I was thinking about all the time I had wasted today worrying about stuff and just had an overwhelming moment with God over it. Whenever I start to worry, God usually shows me in sort of a slide show in my brain, what He has already done for us. And what he has been faithful to and brought us through.

Did you know...

Our mortgage has been paid in full every month since we rented our house out over Christmas?

God has provided full rent on our current house and mortgage every single month.

We have been given so much grace in the area of our vehicles, I am in need of service and my husband has squeaky brakes, but we are still up and running, praise God.

I have alot of dental work needed, again, but my benefits ran out months ago. God has taken away all the pain until my benefits renew in August.

We have been able to send Grace to preschool at our church for almost 4 months now and pay for it each month even though we can not afford it.

I have either had a babysitting job or sold a painting and was able to pay $150 extra every month.

I sure need to be reminded sometimes.

I just need to start trading my worry for worship.
I need to focus on what God has done and is doing every moment for us...
I think sometimes, well I know sometimes I get caught up in the how's and what ifs and forget that the very life I live is because He allows it.
And there is not a moment where he is not in it with me.
I also need to start praising God for the confusing moments more.
The moments where I am just so lost I couldn't even come up with an answer myself.
Because that's when He is the greatest.
When I praise him for always being our provider, and set my mind on his promises,
the worry starts to disappear.
And when I am worshipping Him, nothing can separate me from him.
Not any bills, or dental problems. Not fear of the unknown...

I took Grace today on a mini impromptu date to Whole Foods. It was so gorgeous out I decided to make a stop at our fav smoothie place. Because we are both sick, I got a vitamin boost in both of ours and she was so funny...she kept saying "mommy, this smoothie is making me feel so much better."
That kid. She just gets into my heart.
We sat on a bench and watched all the people walk by...
And of course Grace greeted everyone with a
"good morning"
"how are you today?"
"you have pretty shoes"

I am definitely going to do that more with her. She loves to get out and just people watch and chat and so do I so we are a great team. I have definitely come to a place with her where I am really enjoying being with her. Its especially good when I get one on one time.
Her mood shifts. She isn't as panicky or high strung.
She is calm and gentle.
I love to watch her navigate the world around her. She thinks the potted plants are gorgeous and she loves to point out when peoples wheels on their cars don't match.
She saw this outside Whole Foods and could not stop hysterically laughing for about an hour...
"Aww mom! The apple has a mustache!"
I didn't have the heart to tell her its a cherry.

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  1. SO much in this post to love, but most of all, to "turn your worry into worship." love that. so true.

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