I took Grace to the park tonight. Just me and her. No phone. No Lucy.
We walked and talked and laughed, she is so funny I just cant get enough of her sometimes. We got there and there were some kids there so I just sat back and watched her play. I heard one boy say shut up and she screamed over to me, "mommy!! That boy said shut up and that is NOT a nice word!"
Oh my heart.
So here is this thing, I don't know what to call it. Its like a ladder, but then you curve around and your body gets all twisted and you have to put your feet right in the right spot so you don't fall. Its just weird and I can imagine very scary for tiny little people who don't have the right balance yet or big feet to plant firmly in those spots.
Grace one day a few months ago just decided to do it. I glanced over and she was at the top! I couldn't believe it especially since I am one of those moms who asks her to tell me every move she makes so I can "supervise".
So she has done this thing many times, never fallen. And its so cute because she always gets to the top and yells, "yay, I did it! Now gimme a five five up her now!" haha!
Tonight, she got half way up and FREAKED OUT. I could see her head spinning and she got tense. I could feel her breathing and saw her start to shake. She screamed for me to GET HER DOWN! I kept guiding her up, I wouldn't let her get down. I reminded her of all the times she had done it before. I picked up her feet, every step and put it in the next spot. I grabbed her booty and hung on and just prayed. Just keep going Grace. You can do this. What in the world happened???
She thought about it.
She got half way up and stopped, and thought. Now I am not in her head but I can just imagine what she was thinking...
What if I fall? What if my foot gets stuck? What if I embarrass myself in front of the other kids? What if I get stuck and nobody is there to catch me?
The whole experience got ME thinking about my own thought life. Do my thoughts stop me from moving forward? Do I trust my feelings more than I trust Gods word? Do I base my own actions on the outcomes of the past?
Or do I keep moving forward, even when things are scary.
I hate to give another Oprah reference but I gotta say ever since she left her show, I really love her. She did a show with Deepak Chopra who gave the most inspiring revelation about thoughts. He said, we are just the observer of our thoughts. We are not the author. We chose what to do with them once they get in our head.
If you are a Christian, you know that satan is roaming around this earth looking for people on the verge of great success to just slam down with thoughts of fear and hopelessness. He will do whatever he can to convince you that you are not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, rich enough or strong enough.
And I have learned this the hard way.
I hope that I can instill in Grace that when you are having a thought, you must first decipher who or where it comes from.
2 Timothy 1 :7
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
I have learned myself over the years that just because I think something, doesn't make it true. Do you know how powerful that scripture is???
A sound mind.
Peace, calm, comfort, hope.
Grace finally got back up and made it to the top of this thing. It felt good being able to be there and witness what was going on in her little head. And it felt good to help her get out of it! I see alot of myself in her these days. Alot of fear. Shes not afraid of bugs or skinning her knees...Shes not afraid of monsters or ghosts. But she is afraid of failing. I can already tell at only 4 years old.
Grace if you are reading this one day, just know that I pray for you. I pray that you will understand where your thoughts are coming from and what to do with them. And I hope you find out that you are in charge of where they go!
Its taken 30 years for me to understand and use this power. But this power is mine, and its yours too.
Philippians 4: 4-9Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your
reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand;
do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer
and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made
known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all
understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in
Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is
honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is
lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence,
if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.