Wednesday, May 30, 2012

why I share so much.

I wonder sometimes what people think when they read what I write or while we are having a conversation....

I wonder if people think I am weird or too expressive or lost in Jesus.

The fact is...

I will share every detail with you if the Lord prompts me too.

I believe in being modest with the clothes I wear and the language I use...

But I will never be modest in my testimony.

I believe there is a time and a place and soul on the other end waiting to hear the good news.

I believe that my story of a challenging childhood, a broken family, a broken marriage, being addicted to everything...

lost in food, lost in sin, in a need for attention...

will let the light of saving Grace show through.

I would probably have more friends in this world if I talked

about self help books or home remedies or anti depressants or anti anxiety pills...

Or therapy or marriage counseling...

Or nicotine gum or rehab.

But the truth of the matter is, I have tried it all...and failed.

Yes, I have taken an anti anxiety pill and felt more calm..

But then had to do THAT every time to get through the day.

I have been to rehab as a teen only to turn to drugs and alcohol later in life.

My marriage was broken and nothing could have been done or said to make anything work...

except for Jesus.

My heart physically hurts to see people in pain, going through everything I have gone through and it is my only hope that somewhere in my life, people can see Jesus and the power of His restoration and healing.

If you knew me then...

You would see such a sad and broken girl...

A girl living by her own rules, led by her feelings, lost in what the world said about her.

Paranoid, depressed, anxious, living in fear...

almost dead.

But on the other side of the darkness...

is the light.

On the other side of anxiety...

is Faith.

On the other side of depression...

is Joy.

On the other side of fear,

is Hope.

If you are here, and you relate to me...

I am praying for you.

Every single broken piece in your life can be put back together if you ask.

If you lay down your burdens and sin, right at the very feet of Jesus, who promises to take all the dirty out of your soul and make you clean.

Clean so you may shine, not live in fear or guilt or shame.

I pray that you understand that just because you are broken today...

Doesn't mean you can't be whole tomorrow.

Your past does not define you.

It's there to create a warrior IN you.

It is the story that God is writing everyday...

He is walking with you every second, even when you don't acknowledge Him.

All He wants you to say is,

I cant do this anymore.

And He will step in.

I have watched MIRACLES happen in my own life.

I have felt a love that sometimes is so great I have a hard time even describing it.

This love is for you too.

                                                                                                                             Galatians 2:20

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but

Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by

faith in the Son of God. who loved me and gave himself for me.

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