After ten years with my husband, I have finally come to some conclusions.
When you first start out dating someone, you are looking for qualities in that someone that will benefit you. Do they communicate well? Does he love his mother? Would he be a good provider? Is he attractive enough to keep my interest for years to come?
If you pass the test, you get married. In our case, there was no test. I never asked any of these questions in my head. I just knew. There was no so called "interview". It wasn't normal. Now this has caused many trials and challenges for us in our marriage.
For instance, I never considered the fact that my husband might join the military, he had no college degree when we met, yet I married him anyways. And i didn't pair that with the fact that I myself have no degree or career. It was a non issue.
I never watched him with children and thought "he would be a great father."
Looking at what we have been through for the past ten years, I am noticing that the trials and challenges that we have been through have brought us to a place I don't know if we would be, if we had had that interview first.
I thought to myself today, for the first time in my life, I am way more interested in loving him, than being in love.
What does that even mean? Being in love.
Being "in" love sounds more like a state of mind to me. Like if it is possible to be "in" love, then its possible to be "out".
Today, as I look back on a decade with my best friend, I see more value in being given the ability and the blessing of loving him than receiving love.
Something happens in marriage when you put yourself last. When you put your own needs and desires down to fill your partners. Whatever they may be. No matter what.
My world has been rocked because of him. His shortcomings have made me stronger. His needs have given me a heart of service. His forgiving heart has blessed me beyond belief.
I wouldnt take any of it back or do it again any different. Even the bad stuff.
Because we are still here.
After ten years, it definitely feels better to love, than be loved.