I had this whole big plan. I am taking a break from the blog simply because I am trying to figure out how to navigate through my life right now but there was so many special moments today I have to share. God is so good, so present and waiting to show you everything you need to know.
We found a park today. Well lets say my husband had been there with Grace but I woke up with the holy spirit nudging me there. I had no plans for today but I knew I needed to get to that park.
We got there and there was nobody there. I felt sad because we all know Grace needs to be around people. Every time we go somewhere where kids should be she always comments on how they aren't there and where are they? But we spotted a mom with 4 kids with her getting out of the car and Grace yelled "the children are here". Turns out 2 were hers and the other 2 were her daycare kiddos. Grace ran to the kids and said hello and then of course we followed them to the lake to feed the ducks.
As we were walking, she went up to the little girl Abigail, and grabbed her hand. She held her hand, walking and talking with her, all the way to the lake. She had never met this girl before and knew her for about 10 seconds before she grabbed her hand and walked with her. We fed the ducks. There was a group of older handicapped folks too. We also spent some time interacting with them. They were all in wheelchairs hooked up to oxygen and meds sitting there in their wheelchairs fishing. Grace talked to them for a while about whales and fishing and how she wants a pet whale. The smiles on their faces to be outdoors in Gods splendor. The joy in their eyes interacting with little ones who don't see all their tubes and wheelchairs and treat them as if they were just like everyone else. The joy of simple conversation. The gift of just enjoying Gods creation.
So many times throughout my day the Holy Spirit whispers to me. Today all I heard was Matthew 18.
And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. “Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.
(Matthew 18:2-6 ESV)
I could not hold back the tears today every time I saw Jesus in my daughter. I couldn't believe just how simple it all really is. Love. Just love. Nothing stops her. So often I feel as if I am only available to love when its on my terms. If it fits into my schedule or it doesn't cost me anything. I spend so much time worrying about my own financial issues and think that's the only way I am available to give. But today, God showed me that it could just be as simple as getting out of your house and going where God leads you. Today it was the park. I took off all the hats I have been trying to wear lately and enjoyed my inner child. I forgot about all the bills that are due and all the Mothers Day Out programs we have been visiting....I forgot all about my husbands squeaky breaks and how to pay for them. I lived in Gods precious moments. The moments where peace is found.
It was such a blessing today to sit and chat with an old lady in a wheelchair. She had no teeth and oxygen. She could hardly gather her thoughts enough to fill a full sentence but boy did she enjoy talking to Grace about whales. I am sure that lady felt love today. At the lake, in her nightgown at 10 am. I am sure my daughter brought some joy and peace to her soul simply because she practiced love. I wish, I pray, that I am brought to these precious moments more often. I pray that I can get rid of all the yuck in my life long enough to enjoy the places God leads me and the people He leads me to.
Sometimes the way people are led to the Lord is to see Him through you.
We stayed for about an hour until we made the long walk back to the playground. Grace walked with both little girls and offered to hold Abigail's jacket. She was hot so Grace held it all the way to the playground, it must have been a half a mile.
If you follow me you know that I have been struggling with Grace the past few months. You can read about it here. I just don't seem to be enough for her. She is bored and anxious. But today I received a beautiful gift from God. I was pushing Lucy in the stroller and watching Grace up ahead with the kids. I saw a little girl who was eager to serve. I saw a girl who was willing to walk a mile with another girl and hold her jacket, and her hand. And I saw all the anxiety and guilt and confusion regarding her leave my tortured soul.
Grace loves to love. Its that simple.
And this is what she desires to do. She loves to hug and play and help. She has a burning desire to be around people and interact. This has to be a glimpse of the amazing woman God is creating her to be. This has to be something I celebrate and nurture instead of see as a failure on my part as a mother. Its not that she doesn't connect with me, its that she desires to connect with humanity. All the flash cards and art and music and walks we take will never fill her up like connecting with other people will. And today I realized that it is not my job to make her have fun with me or judge my success as her mother based on how well her and I interact. It is my job to grow and adult full of love and compassion, someone who resembles Jesus.
I was so blessed today in the peaceful, quiet places of the Lord. He always amazes me with how much He loves me and how He wants me to know Him more intimately.
I pray that if you are looking for some answers and clarity that you will find your quiet moments with Him. That you will listen and be open to where He wants you to go. The easiest way I have been able to meet Him in these places is simply to just practice love, like a child.