“A child needs both to be hugged and unhugged. The hug lets her know she is valuable. The unhug lets her know that she is viable. If you’re always shoving your child away, they will cling to you for love. If you’re always holding them closer, they will cling to you for fear.” Billy Graham
Today I sent my Grace off to preschool. This would be the first time that I have left her in this type of scenario. She has been waking up every single morning for three months now BEGGING to go to school. It took a lot of prayer for me to be at peace with this. I had been struggling with what was good for her for a long time but finally let go... I have been prepping her for about a week. Telling her to make sure she obeys her teachers, washes her hands etc...thinking I was in control of what was to happen there. I try my best as her mother to keep her safe. I try to nurture her strengths and build up her weaknesses. We got there very early so I could show her the potty. I wanted to make sure she knew the process. Again, grilling her and overwhelming her with do this and do that...and there was a moment before it was time for the other kids to come when all the teachers gathered into the hall to pray. Pray for the day. Pray for the kids. I wanted to run into the hall and ask them to cover me in prayer. I started crying and began to feel a release inside my soul. Permission to let go and let God. He began to wrap his arms around me and whisper to my soul, " I got this, shes in my hands now." What an amazing God I serve who is always there to comfort me.
The kids started to come in and Grace started to greet everyone at the door. She commented on one little girls beautiful boots. She took her backpack from her and hung it up. Mr. John pulled me aside and wanted to commend me for having such a loving child. The tears just flowed. I couldn't stop crying, there were so many people around going from room to room but I felt like I was the only there. He kept telling me that it takes some kids a year to adjust to school...we giggled as clearly this is not my Grace. She was busy showing another boy a puzzle. She looked at me with a cute little Grace smile and said "bye mommy, see you later!"
I began to try to pour out every single detail of Grace, a three minute synopsis of her quirky behavior. She is afraid of being taken away from a game or activity so she will do a potty dance and hold it just so she doesn't have to leave. Please tell her to go potty. She loves the playground so much that when its time to leave she will throw a fit. I am afraid of her making a scene. She loves to love so sometimes she is not aware of social boundaries...she will hold hands and hug etc and some kids might not like that. All while tears are coming down my face and parents walking back and forth. Mr. John just stopped me. "Its going to be okay Melissa. I have a degree in childhood education but our goal here is to love on the children. To build them up. We rarely use time out unless its a deliberate behavior. I am patient with them because they are learning. We are here to guide and train them, but love them first. Go have a good day."
vi·a·ble/ˈvaɪəbəl/ Show Spelled[vahy-uh-buhl]
capable of living.
physically fitted to live.
I am sitting here as we speak thinking about the times where God has given ME some rope. I myself have had a first day of school. I remember it like yesterday. There have been times when I started new businesses, or had babies or got through a deployment. All situations where God took me from where I was and brought me somewhere new. Growth. Most of the time I have gone kicking and screaming. But I always ended up okay. In fact I always ended up better. I think for mothers, its hard to just let go. But its always important to remember that we have a Father looking on our children, protecting them, leading them, loving them at all times.
It is hard for me to release my children out into the world but it is also something that needs to happen. It is easier for some than others.I personally experienced a cruel world as a child I don't want any of that for my babies. And sometimes the hurt and pain I experienced as a child is what keeps me from letting them go. But I have to remember that what I saw, what was for me, is not what is for them. I must let go of all my fear and give it straight to Him.
Of Benjamin he said, “The beloved of the LORD dwells in safety. The High God surrounds him all day long, and dwells between his shoulders.” Deuteronomy 33:12