Monday, January 30, 2012
There has been a life long battle within my heart and it goes something like this..." I am not a good Christian because I don't do enough for people in need and I don't try to save the world every moment I have." WHEW! What a heavy burden that is to carry.
Guilt. Frustration.Worry. None of it comes from Christ. It comes from Satan.
Most of my guilt comes from the fact that I don't think I do enough. I am not one of those mothers who fills a schedule full or goes on play dates several times a week or even goes to the gym! Sometimes I go to bed angry with myself that I didn't do what most of the other moms or wives are doing and because of that, I am a horrible wife and mother. I didn't go on a mission trip this year, I didn't write a book, I didn't lose 20 pounds the list goes on... No, I stayed in my pajamas, did some laundry, pumped some breast milk, played with my children, made dinner and picked up the house and went to bed.
It wasn't until I started really searching the word of God and asking for a revelation that this guilt was removed.
God started to show me how doing that laundry served my family. And pumping that breast milk was honoring a commitment and nourishing my baby. And playing with my children was serving God by teaching them how to speak and act with love and humility. And making dinner and picking up the house was serving my husband and family, just as God called me to do.I had the thought in my head that if I wasn't out and about I wasn't doing anything productive until God reminded me that my mission was in my home...for now, in this season of my life. And I wasn't going to enjoy any of it until I realized that if it was good enough for God, then it should be good enough for me.
The season of motherhood is somewhat blurry. There seems to be many nights kept up with crying babies followed by many days of laundry and dishes and picking up toys that seemed to have just been picked up. It takes a strong woman who is confident in her position with the Lord to really grasp that she is just as important as a wall street executive. It takes a woman with a deep love and understanding of the Lord to find joy in these tasks. And the only way to become that strong woman is to see yourself through the eyes of the Lord.
There will be more seasons to my life. It is inevitable that my children will grow up and leave our home. And I know for sure that there will come a time that I will greatly miss having my small babies around crying and begging for my attention. My heart just aches when I think of my Grace going off to school for the first time. I feel very sad thinking about no longer needing to breastfeed my babies. But there will come a time when God calls me to some other task. But until then, my job is here and now.
Right now it is my job to raise children who are kind and loving and have a heart of service. Right now it is my job to make sure my husband has all of his needs met so he can fulfill his calling in his life. Right now is the moment I believe we should all live in more. What God has called on our lives, right now. Taking in all the lessons and growing from them because it is preparing us for the next season!
So today I didn't get up and put on fancy clothes and save the world. Actually I never left the house...but Grace and I did learn about "over and under" and which object doesn't belong! And Lucy practiced standing again!
What a blessed day.