When we first met, I had no idea what I was doing. I remember sobbing in our hospital room because I didn't want to leave the safe place we were in. I cried when I took you out of the hospital for the first time and the sun hit your face. I was worried it would hurt your eyes. And then we brought you home after 5 days and your daddy and I set you down on the floor and thought what now? What do we do?
You cried for about 4 months all day long and we had no idea what was wrong with you. Most called it colic. I held you in my arms for 17 hours a day most days. I sat with you in the bathroom with the shower on to help calm you down and we even bought you tons of baby wraps so you never had to leave my arms when we finally got you to sleep.
All the baby books and doctors and websites never could have prepared me for how things were for us. You and me kid. But you were the one thing I never gave up on in my life. We made it through the very tough first year and I don't think I could ever tell you thank you enough for what you have brought to my life. You have taught me not to worry. You have taught me to be still and trust God. And you have also taught me that what I think things should be, arent always the way they should be.
You are going to be 4 years old this year. I don't know where the time goes Grace. You have become the most caring, generous, loving, thoughtful little girl. You make me laugh everyday. Your giggles and your qwerks...the way you treat others, it all makes me so proud to be your mom. You have changed my life Grace. You have brought meaning to my life and a deep understanding of why God calls children blessings.
I never grew up knowing that I wanted to have babies or even thought I would. In fact, I thought I would be on Broadway. I always wanted to be a singer. But being your mom and staying home with you all day, loving you and teaching you and leading you has been way better than any Broadway stage. When you say please or thank you, or ask a stranger how their day is, you make me so proud. I want you to know that whatever dreams God places in your heart, I am here to help you follow. I will do anything I can to help you get to where God wants to take you.
I pray every night Grace, that God makes me a better mom for you. I pray that He gives me so much more knowledge into how to lead you. I want you to know that my whole heart belongs to you and your daddy, and now Lucy too. There is nothing on this earth that could ever take me or my love away from you. You will always be my first baby girl...my love. Each and everyday we spend together is truly a blessing. Waking up to your silly morning hair and your precious smile...playing all of our silly games and laughing together all day, and then your sweet little hugs and cuddles while we read stories at night are what makes my heart full.
I want you to know how much God loves you too. I want you to know that He will never leave you. And even when you make mistakes, He still loves you. Just like your daddy and I do. All you have to do is ask Him for help when you need it, and ask for forgiveness even when you feel you don't deserve it. Your going to grow up and make lots of mistakes, hopefully far less than I have. But you need to never forget how much you are loved and how beautiful you are. In my eyes and in Gods.
I cant wait to spend the rest of my lifetime getting to know you and helping you along in this journey. I wont ever be your friend before I am your mommy. And one day you will understand how that is the greatest gift I could give you. And if God leads you to be a wife and mommy yourself one day, just remember how much joy it will bring! When things seem tough and your tired, just ask Jesus for rest. Always remember to help other people when you can. Try not to be too consumed with laundry and how perfect your house is that you miss out on special moments. I have made that mistake and don't want you to make the same. Love always comes first! And one more thing, before you do anything in your life, don't forget to talk to God first. He always knows the answers. And when you pray, don't forget to thank Him first. There are going to be a lot of challenges in your life my sweet Grace, but there are all going to lead you to the most amazing place. God never will forget about you in your challenges. And just because you have some hard times, doesn't mean He doesn't love you. There are for your good and they will only make you better.